In which I reflect on the past two years.

(Friends and readers, here are some words I churned out as I took an honest look at what I am feeling during this time of MAJOR life transition. It's a little heart-spilling, so please read with love.)

I'm finished with IHOPU.

Two years ago, I was a fresh outta high school, heartbroken, soul-broken, never-been-without-her-parents 18-year-old. When I moved to Kansas City in the heat of August, I had to learn the skyline of a brand new city, learn the rhythms of a whole new culture, learn how to eat, shop, manage finances, drive to new locations, and make friends out of strangers all on my own. I thought I knew myself. I thought I was confident, bold, extroverted, independent, and assertive. Turns out I wasn’t completely right.

These past two years have been some of the hardest of my life. I had to be 500 miles from my cancer-patient mother, my newly jobless father, my busy bee sisters, my growing and learning nephews (one of whom was newly adopted and often had health issues), my home, and my sense of self. I had to sit still in the middle of the country, steaming in the humid heat, and listen to preacher after teacher after preacher talk to me about a God who, at times, I wasn't even sure was real. I had to watch as my bank account dwindled down to dollars even as I was working as much as I could. I had to watch as many of my friendships from back home faded. I had to let go of so, so much. I had to let go of everything- who I thought I was, who I wanted to be, what my future was, who my husband was going to be, who my real friends were, what my family meant to me, what I liked, what I disliked, my money, my house, my security, my privacy, my politics, my ideals, my religion. Hosea 2 became my reality: “Therefore, I am going to persuade her, lead her to the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.”

God emptied me and God filled me up. He put His identity in me. He gave me friendships with people who could withstand my selfish, hurting antics. He surrounded me with wise, caring leadership. He somehow even managed to phenomenally strengthen my relationships with my family, despite the distance. He healed my mother and my nephew. He gave my dad a great new job. He directed me into a bright, exciting future. And He spoke to me about who I am to Him, to others, and to myself. I learned that I'm really and truly an introvert with crippling trust issues who has trouble being honest with anyone. I learned that Truth is my core passion and that my whole life is one epic Google search for it. I learned that singing is not who I am, but it's what I do, and what I can do despite the circumstances I find myself in (I don't need to be the next American Idol to sing my heart songs). I learned that I am worth fighting for. Jesus Himself, my Bridegroom Judge, fights for me, intercedes on my behalf, every second. He thinks I am worth it, so I must be. I learned truths about myself such as I am useful, I am intelligent, I am desirable as a friend, daughter, and wife, and that I matter deeply to God. I learned that I have an obsessive nature (tattoos and rabbits are just two of the things I lost my mind over). I learned that I am loyal, emotional, passionate, vulnerable, and, at my center, a fighter. God used my time at IHOPU, while I was surrounded by such a wonderful community of believers who would listen to, encourage, and counsel me, to teach me about heart issues like love, truth, abiding in the Vine, humility, and transparency.

I got to go on a mission’s trip to Southern California with hundreds of other students where I made wonderful friends and saw God move hearts. I got to explore some of the coolest historical sites in and around Kansas City and learn about the Wild West. I made friends with some of the most Christ-like people I’ve ever met. I daily encountered shining examples of godly, honorable men seeking to love and bless their sisters in Christ (and can I just say how healing and provoking it is to be so often reminded that men who look and behave like Jesus did can and do exist?). I was able to sing with 3 different worship teams and learn not only how to sing skillfully but to sing prophetically. I learned under some of the greatest theologians and prophetic musicians of our age. I met people from not just all over the country (IHOPU represents 50 states!) but all over the world who love Jesus! I lived with a few amazing young women who challenged me, encouraged me, prayed for me, comforted me, and loved me so well. I started liking yogurt! I never thought that would happen in a million years! I learned the value of singing the Word everyday. I wrote several songs ON THE PIANO. I mean, come on. I have loved living here. I have loved being an IHOPU student.

As I prepare to move home for good in two weeks, I’ve been seriously reflecting on why I came here and what I’m taking away from my nearly two years in KC. I think the most valuable lessons I learned while here were not about theology, 24/7 houses of prayer, or even living independently. The most valuable lessons I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life were about the simple things that make me who I am. I’ve only just begun learning about some of these aspects, but God willing, I hope to never stop being amazed at how uniquely and wonderfully made I am. And how who I am, specifically, is just how God wants and needs me to be for His glory and the furthering of His Kingdom. And how the deep, deep desires and longings of my heart were put there by a passionate, emotional, jealous God who desires those things for me as well. How amazing is that?

So to anyone who might be wondering, no, IHOPU was not a waste of time. Not in any sense of the word. I learned so much about people, culture, identity, love, truth, the Word, the Trinity, prophecy, friendships, independence, trust, and myself these past two years. I wouldn’t change a thing. I feel as though I am now finally ready to be that bold, confident, wise woman I thought I was two years ago.

And yes, I am ready to come home. While a large piece of my heart will always be here in Kansas City in the front row of the Prayer Room and in the hands of the friends I leave behind, I’m looking forward with eager eyes. I’m ready to close this wonderful, enlightening chapter of my life and start the next, exciting, unexplored one. Because ultimately, my life is just a really great novel that God is writing, and only He knows the ending.

In which I vlog!

Heyyyaaa friends! I've decided to try my hand at vlogging to fill the gaps when I can't manage to type up updates! Check out my youtube channel and my newest video here. Let me know what you think!

Love to you all and hopefully I'll do a better job of updating as I embark on my 4th (!) semester @ IHOPU.

In which I turn 20!

Current Tunes: Mr. Jon Thurlow
Current Plans: Maybe some birthday mac and cheese?
Current Excitement: It's my birthday! I have cute nephews! My parents are visiting in a little over a week! I am blessed to be alive!

My friends!
This is my very firstest blog post as a 20-year-old woman! I can hardly believe it. I feel so blessed to be alive, and to know the people I know. I've really met some amazing people in the past 20 years, not to mention God has given me the most amazing family I could ask for.

School's been going really well. I've got a nice rhythm and my days are filled with wonderful music, prayer, learning, and people. I'm having so much fun this year. It helps that I've got beautiful roommates to keep me from being a hermit, and that everything I do throughout the day is just so dang enjoyable. Some things I've enjoyed so far this year are:
1. Learning, and I mean really learning how to play piano & about music theory. I feel like I've already learned so much in such a short time. It's so freeing to sit down at an instrument and know SOMETHING about it.
2. My roomies. They are the goofiest, most loving buncha girls. I love the random shenanigans we get up to. As well as the heart-to -hearts and encouragement (even when it happens on the bathroom floor).
3. My worship team(s) are uhmazing. We have so much fun and also manage do pray hard and navigate our way through the Word. It's so refreshing. For instance, today our partner team was leading an intercession set and they sang a few choruses in Spanish, and we were all being silly but we ended the set earnestly asking the Lord for His joy. OMNOM, right?
4. One time, Annalise and I went with some friends to the city market and we bought the most beautiful set of green chairs. Check us out:
5. That same day a friend and I explored a glorious old cemetery in a shady part of KC. There was a huge Jewish quarter and a lot of famous KC residents were buried there.


There have been many other adventures, shared meals, exceptional hugs, and giggles that weren't photographed. All in all, I am pleased.

So today's my birthday. BAM. October 12th, best day of the year. Some people think going from 19 to 20 is not a big deal, but for some reason, it really has been for me. There was something significant to me about leaving behind my teen years, and I really do mean leaving them behind. I wasn't really sure what about it was gripping my heart, but then while I was studying 1 Corinthians 13, God showed this verse to me:

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known [by Jesus]" (1 Cor 13:11-12 NKJV).

So now I'm 20, no longer a teenager. The word teenager connotes one who is impulsive, not worried about consequences, hormonal, and self-absorbed. There are a lot of good things that come along with teenagerhood, don't get me wrong- I had a good time. But something in me (the Holy Spirit perhaps) says it's time to move on and grow up. I am no longer a part of that category (in most ways), and now it's up to me to be responsible for my actions, to accept responsibility for myself, my life, and my choices. In the eyes of my culture and my country, I am an adult. I feel like the Lord is about to lead me into deeper levels of trust and intimacy with Him as well as with other people. No longer to I want to talk, think, or reason like a child. I want to talk, think, and reason as an adult well on her way to seeing things clearly. I'm excited about this brand new decade of my life which I'm sure with bring with it many changes and challenges. I'm blessed for what I've been given in the past twenty years, and I'm so thankful for the joy of the Lord which is my strength. Now is the time to put away childish things, to give the Lord the things I can't fix, and to set my face like flint before the Lord in worship and prayer. In other words, it's time to get serious. ;D

Thanks for all your love and prayers on this beautiful autumnal day!
Love from me in KC to you, wherever you may be.
Shon

In which I bridge the 4+ month gap

Current Tunes: Jars of Clay, kickin' it old school.
Current Plans: get school things gathered, have lunch, go to class.
Current Excitement: going to sleep tonight.

So since April, I have been to Ukraine, gained a new nephew, sung in a wedding, got a nanny job, lived in MN for three months, went on a mini-vacation to Duluth, packed up and moved back to KC, moved to a new house with several other girls, and started my sophomore year of FMA. And there you have it. My life in a sentence.

Unfortunately I know that's not enough juicy information for you (MOTHER), so I'll break it down.

Firstly, when I last wrote, I was anticipating my trip to Ukraine to help my sister adopt her son, Charles Gabriel Andreev. The trip was some of the most exhausting, exciting, fascinating, emotional, joyful, worrisome few days of my young life. I loooooved Kiev, and I would love to go back. The architecture, the people, the history-- excellent. But of course, other than taking an overnight train, meeting Charlie for the first time was a memory I'll always treasure. We went to the orphanage, got him, and he was ours (well, my sister's. But really ours). The poor little guy was so tiny all his bones were showing, and he was quite sickly during the trip. Rachel was a champion mama and spent a couple sleepless nights with him trying to keep his fever down.

In the four months since we brought Charlie home, he's grown in size, personality, love, and skill. He's blessed to have an amazing family, and we're more than blessed to be able to love him. He's headed for a serious heart surgery in about a week (Aug 30th), so all of your prayers for his good health are appreciated. I know it's killing me not to be there.

My summer in MN was a quiet, mostly uneventful one. It was nice to be home for a solid chunk of time and watch my nephews grow and learn.

About two weeks ago, it was time to move back to KC. So here I am, in a new house with 3 other young ladies and an older woman who owns the house. It's a nice set-up, as I have my own room and bathroom. It's a new experience having roommates, and although there's some necessary attitude adjustments, I'm really starting to love it. My roommates are all gorgeous, talented ladies and I feel blessed to get to live with them.

Yesterday was my first day of school. It was great to be back with my old FMA friends and see what the year would be like. I'm lucky enough to have one of my close friends and former team members on my team again this year. And one of my old worship leaders is our coach for the first part of the semester! I'm excited to get to know the rest of my team. My schedule is pretty busy and I've got all kinds of things going on, but I've managed to figure out a sufficient work schedule and we even have breaks for meals this year! That's a bonus. So now I just have to start settling in and find a good rhythm to carry me through the semester. I especially need to establish a sleeping schedule, as waking up at 7AM is definitely not part of my natural sleep cycle. And this girl needs A LOT of sleep.

So now you're all caught up.

In which I gush about Perpetua

Current Tunes: Thunderstorm. God's the greatest musician, you'll find. :D
Current Plans: Reading away the night.
Current Excitement: Spring! Relaxing! Summer's nearness! Leaving the country! GBF week!

Hola mis compadres!

Today has been a glorious, glorious Sunday. Breezy windows open, fan going. Organizing my book collection (I'm quite a LitSnob, I've decided), making feather earrings, going for a walk, practicing piano, talking to Jesus, taking out the trash (finally), eating whatever I feel like... Glorious day. It was HOT today, just classically Missouri. The day is closing out with a marvelous thunderstorm/hailstorm/lightening storm/general racket. Good form, KC! Days like today are why I love my life.

The big news of the moment is-- I'M AN AUNT AGAIN. {See above photo ^^} My sister and her husband have adopted a gorgeous little tyke they've dubbed Charles Gabriel Andreev. I've only seen pictures but he seems to be a winner! He's currently still in his home country, but next Saturday my sister and I will be flying out of MN across the world to go bring him home. I'm suuuuuuuper pumped, as it'll be my first time off the continent. I can't wait to experience a new culture AND meet my brand new little nephew. I'm so glad God gave our human hearts infinite capacity to love, because I already love my baby nephew so much my heart could burst, but I'm finding there's room for more! Praise God, He found my sister a wonderful little son. He knew, when He was knitting Charlie together in his mother's womb, that my sister and brother-in-law would find him and fall in love. He knew that Charlie's parents were in the US, praying for a little one just like him. So that's the headlines- I'm leaving the country and coming back with a new boy in my heart. :D

Here's what's been gripping my heart for the past two weeks: Perpetua by Amy Rachel Peterson. I bought it impulsively from the Forerunner bookstore in January. I loooooove history, especially ancient Rome/Greece, and when I saw this book hiding away in the back my heart leapt inside my chest. I remembered learning a little about Perpetua at Bethel last year. If you don't know anything about her, basically here's the scoop: She was a young noblewoman, not much older than myself, living in Carthage (N Africa, then part of the Roman Empire) 200 years after the death of Jesus Christ. This was a time when the Emperors of Rome were persecuting Christians and had outlawed Christian conversions. Romans of the era believed that Christians practiced cannibalism and incest, and ironically referred to Christians as atheists. Perpetua was a real young woman, and, along with several others, she became a martyr for her faith. We know a little about her story because she kept a brief diary while she was in prison just before her death. We know that her friend/slave Felicitas was 8 months pregnant, but after everyone prayed for her, she went into labor. If she hadn't, she would have had to wait to die until after she'd given birth a month later because it was against the law to torture or kill a pregnant woman. We know the names of several of Perpetua's fellow martyrs. We know that Perpetua's father pleaded fruitlessly for her to recant, even just for his sake. We also know that Perpetua had a young babe at the time of her death. An eye wittness recorded the gory events of her death. If you would like to read the full text of Perpetua's diary, you can do so here. It's quite short, so I encourage you to take a few minutes and read it!

Basically what Amy Rachel Peterson did was take Perpetua's diary and imagine what her life was like before her captivity. How was Perpetua converted? How did she find the strength to give up her son, and who was the father of her child? What events led to her martyrdom. The author masterfully illustrates what Perpetua's life could have been, sticking very close to the given historical facts and to knowledge about daily life in the Roman Empire during that period.

This book has wrecked my heart. I imagine myself in Perpetua's sandals and I don't know what I'd do. When the story starts she's just my age, feeling exactly the things I often feel. She has self-image issues, she wonders about romance, the point of life, social status, and what her friends think of her. She adores her parents and brother, and is the perfect picture of a young noblewoman. After she experiences a dramatic conversion, I find myself again and again in her thoughts, prayers, and desires. Her relationship with Jesus was so tangible, so passionate. And I think to myself, that's the same Jesus I still worship... but what am I doing about it? When I have a problem, I call my best friend or my mom. Perpetua laid it at the feet of Jesus. When I screw up or get caught up in sin patterns, I condemn myself and basically cut off communication with Jesus. In the novel, Perpetua works out her salvation with grace and mercy. I know that in this novel most of the story line is completely fictional, but that doesn't make it any less compelling.

In the end, she dies for her Saviour. Am I willing to do that? She sacrifices everything, and I can't even sacrifice my comfort. Could you? If Jesus asked you to go without Facebook, or your friends, or your food or money, could you? She lived in a time when simply reading the Bible was punishable by death. From where I'm sitting, I see four different Bibles laying out. I'm so blessed, yet I seem to give the very least of myself, my time, and my money to Jesus. Just enough to get by, really.

I believe we'll soon experience a time again where Christians will be actively persecuted for their faith, even here in America. You can feel the tension building already. What are you going to do without your laptops, without your luxuries, without your perfect ideals? What are you going to do when all you have is memorized Scripture and each other to hold onto? I say this to everyone reading this as much as I say this to myself. Christianity is not meant to be your comfort food. You don't become a Christian to feel good and prosper. We need to understand what Christianity, what fellowship, what living with Jesus every second of everyday really looks like.

I encourage everyone, especially you young ladies, to read Perpetua. You can ask my friends and anyone who saw me in the PR- I basically cried throughout the whole thing. But it helped give me perspective on what Jesus intended the Church to look like.

So that's what's on my heart this week and I just thought I'd share it.
Love to all of you from my heart in KC to yours, where ever that may be!

In which I sail along

Current tunes: Company of Thieves

Current plans: eat a late lunch/dinner, maybe go to church, read Narnia!

Current excitement: one more week, then spring break, yo.

Hola amigos.

Where to start?

It's been well over a month, and much has changed. Very much.

Let's start with school: I've learned so much in such a short time! In my keysETT I class, I've learned many chords, and am re-learning music theory stuff like reading music and intervals. I can play several worship songs already, too, which is so freeeeeeeing! I've even written a song myself, and today got so into it that I wrote down the staff music for it. It's nothing mind-blowing, but it's a START. I know God has many songs planned for me in the coming years.

I love my worship team- we do four sets a week in three different locations, and along with our partner team, we're starting to be a FAMILY. I love singing with them soooo much. We get better and better and more cohesive each day, and we still manage to praise God & have buckets of laughs.

My Excellencies of Christ class with Allen Hood has been really eye-opening. I never really thought of Jesus anywhere outside of the Gospels, and now I realize how many times He shows up in the OT! He is EVERLASTING to EVERLASTING, ALPHA OMEGA, the Word made flesh, etc. He was not just a man, not just a prophet or a legend. He was a MAN and GOD. Think about that for a month and you'll understand how I feel. Mind.blowing.

Okay, so I like school a lot right now. It's constricting and freeing, time-consuming but not stressful, educational and entertaining, and it's ALL for God's glory, which is what I like.

A highlight of the last month was my parent's visit two weeks ago. It was very short, but sublime. They arrived Saturday night, and after some struggle, we had a nice dinner at... you guess it- IHOPancakes. The next day I gave them a brief tour of my little world and then we went and did historical/nerd stuff in Independence, MO, which is where Harry S Truman lived. So we learned a lot about that guy. I had such a blast, and got amazing photos, which have yet to be edited so forgive me. We ate dinner at Jack Stacks. The next day before they set out on their journey back to MN, I got to show them my school. Then after giving me some tissues, paper towels, and water, they went away and I stayed put. I miss them, buuuut sprngbrk is around the corner so it won't be long!

Another good day was yesterday- in the morning I was going home from the PR and it was hailing, so this guy offers me a ride home. And lo and behold, my Good Samaritan is none other than Mike Bickle, the papa of IHOP. I was too overwhelmed to say anything of value, and it wasn't a long ride. I was in my pjs with no make-up on and unwashed hair, so that was nice. I didn't even have contacts or eyewear. But it was an awesome two minutes that I'll always remember. I just think it goes to show how awesome Mike Bickle really is- that he schedules his days out by 15 minute increments, he's been all over the world, he's well-known (and loved and hated in equal parts, I'm sure), but he still goes out of his way to give a random first year student a ride home. What a guy. Then in the evening, through a blizzard, I had my first outing to Chick-fil-a! It was really fun because lots of IHOP-ers were there, including one of my worship leaders who did his part to embarrass me in front of the whole restaurant. I just love IHOP students, endofstory.
In summation, I'm learning so much about Jesus' mercy, love, forgiveness, meekness, humility, and divinity. I wish everyone I knew could know the beauty of this Man, who died for those who still remain ignorant and hateful towards Him. Bah. Jesus, open up their eyes to see You!

The only reason I've had a chance to give this update is because the roads were too icy to go to work and I didn't feel well to begin with so I opted to stay in bed, which I have done. Haven't done this pretty much since I came back in January, so I don't feel guilty ONE BIT. I've been super, unbelievably busy. More busy than I ever have been in my life. Every little thing is scheduled out. But I am swell.

That's all I care to say right now, though there's much more to be said, I'm sure. I'm sorry, on a day like today, I can't manage to have intelligent thoughts. ;D
Peace, <3, and :D

In which I use visual aids to describe Winter break

Current Tunes: Aaron Leatherdale (IHOP musician- download his 3-song EP for free!
Current Plans: Unpack a bit, sleep, start new semester in the morning!
Current Excitement: All new classes and schedule this week! I'm determined to conquer it! *see header

Hey franz. Here's an update on Christmas break and my ... life. Also I don't know if it's because I'm exhausted or groggy or whatever, but tonight my brain is having trouble forming thoughts and sentences.. so if some of this is muddled I am sorry.

Well, I'm back in KC and tomorrow is the start of Spring semester! Already. Wow. I'm excited because we're finally starting music classes, which is nice. I'll have keys and prophetic singing! Duuuude.

I just spent the last month in MN on Winter break!! It was so glorious, I cannot even tell you. I really didn't do that much, but that was the beauty of it. I was just free to lay about, read, catch up with friends, laugh at my nephew, and SLEEP. I had a wonderful Christmas with my family, and it was dreamy to ALL be together (minus the not-here-yet nephew of mine [see the button to the right!!!]) MN has been getting DUMPED on by snow, so that was a challenge. My poor car made me nervous, but so far is still alive. As am I!

Some highlights of Shonna's winter break:
1. BRENNAN (+family)

2. BETHAN CAME HOME! It was fantastic- we hung out, hugged, went sledding, saw Tangled, ate Red Robin, and giggled LOTS. It was so great to see her again!!!

3. Kendra, Will, Denika, Ned, and I drove down to KC for Onething'10. It was truly a different experience now that I'm an IHOP student... The teachings were powerful, the worship was as good as ever, etc. There were a few roadbumps in the trip, but we survived! Here's a photo of our traditional Wafflehouse Feast:

4. I finally got a tattoo! I've been talking about getting this one for awhile, so I was soooooo pumped to finally do it! Kendra came with me for support and she got these shots:


I loooooove the final product! I got it done by Sarah at Beloved Studios- I would definitely recommend them!
5. Downtown adventure- my favorite kind! Kendra and I took Travis, Colin, and Jeremy out and about! We went to Mesa, Izzy's, Electric Fetus, and saw True Grit (which... wow... just. Wow.) We had a great night laughing and getting harassed and screaming as Kendra tried to kill us on the freeway.


6. My friend Marissa Griffin (who is incredibly talented, btw) joined several other young women to start an online magazine called Crooked Teeth to showcase young artists, photographers, and musicians in the area. Last night was the launch party in Northeast Minneapolis! I don't have photos yet, but it was a lot of fun! Cool people were there, and the Broken Bicycles (featured in the magazine) played some sweet tunes.
7. My mumsie ( who is the best) took me to Michael's for some art supplies to support my 'crafting hobbies.' I really love feather earrings and unique jewelry, so she set me up with some beads, twine, feathers, a hot glue gun, etc... I find it really cathartic to make jewelry, even if it's not super fantastic or perfect. I just like the act of MAKING something. Here are my earrings! I think they turned out pretty bomb for my first go at it, considering I didn't really know what I was doing:

Welllllll... That should be enough to satiate you information-starved friends of mine! Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I embark on this new semester!

Love to each of you from my heart in KC to yours, wherever you may be!

In which I discuss Truth

Current Tunes: Eye Alaska
Current Plans: movie and ice cream, like the good old days.
Current Excitement: Going home for Christmas on Sunday! Until then: WORK.

Hola gentes.

As of last Friday, I have officially finished my 1st semester out of high school, and my first semester at IHOPU. Is it bad that I refuse to call it college? This.... is not college. When other IHOPU students who have not been to an actual university call this college, I want to shake them and proclaim, "You are incorrect, sir or madam!" Because. This whole semester was a BREAK from life. The 'homework' never took me more than 30 minutes to finish, the quizzes were only challenging if I didn't look over my notes, and the classes were just sermons! But I am told that starting next semester, classes will actually require brain power, so I'm pumped.

Speaking of next semester, HOLY COW, I WILL HAVE LITTLE TO NO TIME TO BREATHE. So I registered for classes and got my schedule a few weeks ago, and every time I look at it now, I get really nervous. The good part: no more 6AMs! Which, I will kind of miss. But my days won't start earlier than eight, which means back to my normal sleep schedule! No more going to bed between 8:30-9. So yeah, I've got PR hours (24ish a week), keys class, choir, prophetic singing, music theory class, theology class, practicum, chapel, church, and some other stuff I'm probs forgetting. On top of all of that, I have to somehow fit in 12-16 hours of work a week... So I'll be swamped. I'm talking back-to-back activities, no breaks, for like 12 hours a day. At least I'll have free weekends, from what I can tell. So.

In a few days, I'll be back on that familiar road home. I. Can't. Wait. Fireplace, friends, cake, mommy&daddy, BABY, my disorganized room (aka reading cave), etc. And Christmas! Which is forever my favorite holiday. I'm kind of terrified for the drive, though, because snow+me+my car= disaster waiting to happen. Not kidding. Not only is my car horribly unreliable and unsafe, but I, for some reason, never got the Driving in the Snow gene, and am ever fearful of losing control of my vehicle. Which I did once, and it was the scariest and slowest thirty seconds of my whole life. BOO SNOW. I'm moving to Cali. Or Italy. What would it be like to live somewhere where it NEVER snowed?? I can't even imagine. The inhabitants of those places have no idea how lucky they are. Granted, they probs have other problems like hurricanes, tsunamis, floods, volcanoes, etc. Well boo on nature then. BOOOO trying to kill us all. THE POINT IS. I am going home.

And for those of you curious, my home-going schedule is as follows: Drive home Dec 19th, drive back to KC the 28th for onething, drive back to MN the 1st or 2nd, hang out hang out, then drive back to KC on the 16th to start my new semester the 17th!

Most of the above ^^ was for the benefit of my mother, who I'm sure is wondering why I haven't called in awhile. Well, mum, there's all you needa know.

Okay, so if you know me, you know that sometimes I get lost in my brainthoughts and follow a bunny trail as far as I can. The bunny trail I've been on lately is-- gear up for it-- homosexuality. I won't go into it just yet, because ... I just won't. I do, however, want to talk about some brainthoughts I have acquired whilst doing all my research and reading lately.

TRUTH. Is the keyword here. What is truth? Who defines truth? Is truth relative, subject to change, or subject to our emotions?

As a Christian, y'all know what I believe: Jesus is the [one] WAY, the [one] TRUTH, and the [one] LIFE. So basically, I believe what He says, goes, and errythang else either lines up with Him and is also true, or conflicts with Him and is therefore untrue. Furthermore, I believe the BIBLE is the living, breathing Word of God, and I believe that JESUS is also the Word of God. I believe Jesus is the Word made flesh. So by the transitive property, I believe that the BIBLE is also the ultimate TRUTH.

I have been told recently by a few sources that the Bible, being written by mere humans, is subject to interpretation and can be interpreted many different ways. This is partially true ( I believe that the Bible was written by GOD through human beings, but that's not the direction I care to go right now), however, some of the people I received this ambiguous claim from were the very same who were not simply 'interpreting' but rather 'editing' the WORD. And I'm not sure that interpretation= twisting, changing, or editing God's WORD. In order to correctly interpret the WORD (aka the TRUTH), one must have a) a foundational theological understanding of the nature and enduring character of God, b) access to different versions of the Bible, as well as a word-for-word straight from the Greek interpretation (here's a helpful site for this) and c) the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God is the one who guides us into truth. He's kind of like our conscience in that way. RE letter a of this list, what I mean to say is that if you don't understand that the God of the Old Testament is the SAME, EXACT, UNCHANGED, and UNCOMPROMISED God/Jesus of the New Testament, you might have a tendency to disregard the Laws and 'stories' of the OT because of legalism, fear, ignorance, etc. However, I recently dug my heels deep into the first five books of the Bible, and aside from having like, a million questions that need answers, I realized that it is a VERY good thing that we are covered by the blood of Christ, otherwise we would all be smited, right now. And that God, that same God who killed Aaron's sons simply for starting the wrong kind of fire in the temple (ask me for the reference if you need it, I'd have to go get my Bible), is the same God that I still worship today. Crazy, right? The one thing that's changed between the early tribes of Israel and us is that WE'VE been redeemed (granted, they too have been redeemed in retrospect, but still).

I'm getting a bit off topic, and that's to be expected when you're as deep in the mire as I have been lately, however. What I mean to say is that just because we desperately want to believe that "God wouldn't do this" or "God would never do that" doesn't make it true. Yes, God is a God of love and forgiveness, however, I don't believe He's a God of tolerance or blind acceptance! SIN and DARKNESS cannot stand in His presence. It is His very nature to DESTROY the things that insult His extreme righteousness. Think about that for a minute. That's the God you worship. Now, I don't mean to be all doom and gloom about God. I mean, He's a good guy and I'm rather fond of Him. I just think the Church and society in general needs a reality check and a right view of who God is, and why it's so important we strive to live holy. Furthermore, it's NOT up to US to decide what's a sin and what's not. Sin is, by nature, fun, pleasurable, easy, and addicting. So we may try to push the boundaries and say, "Well, I'm not hurting anyone else, so this can't possibly be a sin." PEOPLE. READ THE OLD TESTAMENT, I DARE YOU. Find out the kind of seemingly petty things that people died for, then try to justify your sin before God. It ain't gonna happen.

To tie this up, please understand that there is a GOOD part to this story of smiting and holiness: JESUS CHRIST. Because of Him, we get second, third, and fifty thousandth chances to make ourselves right. We have the grace and the RIGHT to stand before the throne of God with BOLDNESS, because we've been adopted into His family!!!

Speaking of adoption, I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but the button to the right ---> is a picture of my soon-to-be nephew waiting for us in Eastern Europe. If you can find it in your heart (and wallet) to donate to the cause of BRINGING HIM HOME, please click on the button to find out how. Please. At any rate, please pray that the process goes off smoothly. Find out more on my sister's blog.

Okay, that was plenty for tonight. If you made it through all of that, congratulations! I would high five you, but I'm in bed. So. Please, please, talk to me if you have questions, comments, concerns, arguments, or love to share.

In which I recount

Current Tunes: Barlow Girl "Home For Christmas" ;D
Current Plans: watch Boy Meets World, rrrread, SLEEP!
Current Excitement: 20 days till I'm home again!

Hola ustedes!
So last time I blogged, I was prepping to go to California!
Well. That happened. Threeish weeks ago by now, although it seems like it was just yesterday. Man, going to California was definitely a highlight of my life. Not only did I grow a lot closer to my IHOPU brothers and sisters, I also made some pretty neat new siblings out at Biola! I <3 Biola.
What was Jesus up to in LA?
Wellllll. Lotsa stuff. ;D I was with a group of about 40 students/leaders from IHOPU who were distributed in Brea, California, which is in northern Orange County. We stayed with peeps from this prayer house called the Firehouse [ http://www.firehouseofprayer.org/ ]. They were gracious, wonderful hosts, and we all got along capitally! I was lucky enough to be housed in a home that was being housesat by one of the directors at the Firehouse, so seven of us girls got the run of the place with Anita as our mama! Our home was homebase for the Brea group so there was always something going on! We were blessed to experience Firehouse-style prayer meetings and prophetic moments.
We also partnered with Revive ministry [ facebook page here ] a ministry on Biola's (Bible Institute of Las Angeles, if you haven't heard of it) campus. Basically we just creeped about and offered prayer and encouragement to our brothers and sisters. We also joined the Revive leadership team in crying out for revival on Biola's campus. It was awesome, and I heard lots of great testimonies of healings and fire-stirrings from the two days we were on campus.
The week ended at the Fight conference and the first-ever StudentCall at the Glory Church in LA. It was an intense few days of prayer, intercession, worship, and teachings from some of the most passionate intercessors and missionaries of our time.
Another highlight of the trip was the Revival Tour-- aka 250 IHOPU students and leaders being herded around LA like cattle to various points of historic value from the Jesus People Movement of the 60's and 70's. Lou Engle was our tourguide, and he had many insightful and provoking anecdotes and stories about the past revival. This day also included looooots of prayer. It ended at the Azusa St Plaza, which was dreamy. Revival broke out at that very location in the early 1900's...1906? I believe. All kindsa crazy stuff happened at that time, so it was surreal to be back 100 years later, praying for the Spirit to be poured out over SoCal. So. Much. Of the BOMB.

After a 40 hour bus ride back to KC (I don't wanna talk about it...), I slept for 6 hours, woke up and unpacked, and then went back to bed. Then we had just a few days of classes and were off for Thanksgiving break! How thrilling! But first! A visit from my bestest pallies, Kendrason and Wilson! Will was a surprise, but most welcome. What followed: Applebee's, IHOP, sleep, Waffle House, the Plaza, nap, church, sleep, Waffle House, PR, Higher Grounds, and then they left me. :( But it was okay! I worked a few days and then drove back to MN myself!

So then it was Thanksgiving break. I did some cool stuff. Like skidded around on a snowy Co Rd J. Visited with Marissa! Had some mashed potatoes and pickles for Thanksgiving dinner with the WHOLE fam (including the CUTEST nephew that I currently have). Watched Will nap on my couch while I gleefully hacked his FB. Hung out with Kendra, Will, and Jeremy, and had a new experience ;). Saw some high school pallies, and ate McDonald's with my soulmate. And saw Harry Potter 7pt1 in IMAX at 11:40 the night before I drove home. Why, you ask? Well. I don't know. I still don't. ;P

Now I am back.
I would like to leave you with some genious revelation, some life lesson, or at the very least some Bible verses or clever song lyrics. But at this point, all I can say is:
"The Girl" by City and Colour.

Look for more in the future. ;D
Yes, I did use excessive emoticons in this post. So sue me. ;P

<3

In which I am still alive.

Current Tunes: The chatter and prayer of fellow IHOPers in Higher Grounds.
Current Plans: Go home, nap, go to D-group, go to work, pack, shower, sleep, go to CA.
Current Excitement: CALIFORNIA!

Hey all. So clearly, I survived the the illness that knocked me out. On the plus side, I got to stay in my room and not talk to anyone for five days. On the down side, I had to stay in my room and not talk to anyone for five days. But I am all better! For the first time since moving here, I think. And I intend to stay healthy! As much as I can. Gotta eat like... fruit or something.

Anyways. So as you may or may not have heard, I'm headed to SoCal tomorrow morning! It's exciting. It'll be like a 30+ hour bus ride. In those nice coach buses. 300+ IHOPU students will be strategically placed at universities throughout Southern California. So I'm not exactly sure where I'll be yet. BUT! I do know that on Nov. 11th, we'll all be converging on LA to support the Fight Conference and get people reeeaallyyyy stirred up for revival. I'm super excited because of prophetic words that have been spoken for a coming revival, as well as just to BE in CA for the first time in my life and be able to share all this love that I've been receiving for the past few months.

So I'll be getting back the 15th of November. Then I'll have a few days of classes, and then it's Thanksgiving 'break.' My BFF KennyLendra will be visiting ME for the first time, and we'll shop and sing and hug and have a gay olde time. Then I'll work work work and then get my bum on home for some eats. And then it's back to KCMO for a few more weeks, and then CHRISTMAS. And then ONETHING. And then... January! Woot. Time skipping stones.

In my spirit, Jesus has really been giving me a lot of revelations in the past two weeks about how He sees me. Much of this was supplemented by a study we did on Song of Solomon in class. Before hearing Shelley and Allen teach on it, I was majorly skeptical about this book, what it meant, and what God intended it to mean. But the Holy Spirit softened my heart towards it and opened my eyes to all the different interpretations and meanings. And what I found there was in-credible. I encourage you all to download Mike Bickle's notes on Song of Songs from mikebickle.org or get some other commentary on it. It's really eye opening, the way that God feels about us.

Also He's been engaging my mind with some Deep Theological Issues. About who He is, what the Bible is and what it means, etc, etc. Stuff I'd like to divulge on eventually, but not currently. I've been in some situations recently that really caused me to think about GOD. Like, why He created us, how He's involved in our lives, what He expects from us, and what it is to be holy. And how holy, how like Him can we become? It's great. I just like to think about Him. And I'm realizing that much of Christianity is missing the point.

In Romans 1 & 2, Paul talks about God's righteous judgment against sin and sinful people. And he has a pretty harsh description of evil people: greedy, envious, murdering, slandering, wicked, depraved, etc, etc. And our first reaction, of course, would be to say "That's not me; I'm certainly not THAT bad. I'm not a murderer or a slanderer. I try not to gossip and I don't steal...." But then at the beginning of Chapter 2, he says "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things" (NIV). Whoa. We KNOW, because Jesus said, that if we even feel angry towards one another, we have murdered each other in our hearts. So we can't assume that we are perfect simply because we wouldn't describe ourselves so harshly. Maybe, just maybe, someone else WOULD. Maybe, from the perspective of the Most Holy, we ARE tarnished and sullied.

He goes on to talk about the law for several chapters, and much of his conversation is expounded on in Galations. Basically, my heart is just sorrowed for those in the Church who think they are saved simply because they go to church, repeat the prayers and hum the hymns. Church! The Bible, the living, breathing, WORD OF GOD says we are not saved unless we are right with God!! Even if we do not follow the Law, we are still saved if our hearts are right with Jesus. However, if we were somehow Holy Superheroes and followed the Law to the letter and never sinned, but yet still had no relationship with Him in our hearts, we would STILL go to Hell. Do you see what God thinks is the most important??

There's just been so much resting on my heart lately about this, and I'd love a soapbox and an audience of my loved ones to share it with. I have loads of Scriptures to support the above argument, but I'm without my Bible at the moment to quote verses at you. However, if you must be immediately satiated, check out Romans 1 & 2 as well as the book of Galations 3 to start with.

Please pray for me and my friends while we're in CA! See you on the other side. :D

<3

In which I am really sick.

Current Tunes: Ejah and Sofi chattering away. :D
Current Excitement: ....maybe getting down some applesauce soon!
Current Plans: Lay in bed, watch Return of the King, edit some photos, read, nap, be really sick.

Bahhh. So. When I moved to MO, I was sick for eight weeks. Then, miraculously, I felt normal for almost two full weeks!
BUT THEN, yesterday I woke up and felt. like. death. Oh my goodness. I went to the PR and sat there for 30 minutes. But then I sneezed and decided to go back home and sleeeep. So I did. I woke up and went to class @ 10, and managed to stay alive for that. I couldn't really engage in the ministry time though... D: Anyways, I tried to go to my small group but my small group leader took one look at me and made me go home. I did, and I also called work and told them I wouldn't be coming in. I HATE calling in sick (esp when it's only my second week working there!!), but I was feeling so bad that every movement hurt. I figured I had strep or mono again. My throat hurt, but compared to everything else that was the least of the pain... I had body aches, a severe headache, ear pain, lethargy, and a general feeling of 'I am going to die right now.' So I napped a little off and on for a few hours. Then I tried to eat but couldn't get very much down... I watched Two Towers and tried to stay very still so my body wouldn't blow up. I called a clinic and she said I could go to Urgent Care that evening... So at five thirty I called them and made an appointment for 7:30. I got there at 7:30, in incredible pain. And didn't get called in until... 9:30! Yeah, it sucked. I cried.

My temperature turned out to be 102.3. I tested negative for strep, but doc said it was just too early to tell. He seemed really surprised by all of my symptoms and the fact that I had recently been sick for 8 weeks. He talked to himself for about 5 minutes about what drugs he should give me. He even suggested to himself that he give me narcotics! I was like, that would be AWESOME. Lol, but no. Just some antibiotic that he stressed 'tastes like metal.' Anyways, I don't know how I'll actually get them. I feel in no state to go to Walgreens right now. D: I haven't showered and I really don't feel like putting clothes or make-up on. Gahross. Maybe I'll feel more up to it in couple hours. I still have to call work later and tell them I won't be working this weekend, but I hope I'll feel better on Monday. I haaaate missing work. I don't want them to think I'm a flake. I need to take some painkillers, but I drank some water this morning and it felt like pins and needles all down my throat... so we'll see how THAT goes. BAH. Being sick is the pits, esp at IHOP where stuff never stops and it is 'unpleasant' to miss things.

Okay. Enough boring stuff about how miserable I am.

Let's talk about my VISIT HOME TO MN!
It was ... THE BOMB. Seriously I had such a good time. Every moment was precious to me. I kept reminding myself that I was home, home, home, where things make sense and I have a grip on reality! Anyways. I got home around 1:30 AM Friday. Slept for a bit... Then I went to Chapel at Bethel and had a TRUE BETHEL lunch with my soulmate, Matteo. I looove him. He showed me his dorm and it was really cool! Then I went home I think. And saw BRENNAN, Because he's the very best. Then I had Panera with Denika, which was tender. She is my favorite, and I love her, and I love her, and I love her. Afterwards I kidnapped William (not really though) and we did some photographing downtown and I tried my very first tea! So that was cool. On Saturday, I got some true quality Korsmoe...Zech....Meyer family time! We went to two apple orchards (heaven!) and had lunch at Famous Dave's. It was hilarious how full we all were afterwards. I loooove my people, I really do. Especially the smallest one, because he is funny. Anyways. In the evening time Will and I crammed a lot of super cool activities into the hours we had. I had my first Noodles & Co!! I had the mac and cheese (don't judge) and it was FANTASTIC. I'm already dreaming about going there again. And again. All in all it was a grrreat day. Sunday I saw my BFF Kendra (who I wish I had had more time with!!), we went to church, and I had my favorite lunch with my familia! Then I was off, back to KC with mixed emotions. Nobody ever said how hard this independence thing really is... D: But there was a gorgeous sunset over Des Moines that evening! I may or may not have photographed it whilst driving.

I've gotta type up a quick assignment for Practicum, maybe take a shower/eat food, and then it's back to lazing about and praying that Jesus makes me all better quickly.
'slata gatas.

In which I describe a new job and a visit

Current Tunes: Josh Garrels
Current Plans: pack, PR, DRIVE HOME
Current Excitement: A Minnesotan weekend.

Hello friends!
Well I've been real busy lately!
I got a job at a local public library and I started on Monday and worked again yesterday evening. It looks like it'll be pretty much the same as my last job! Not a ton of hours and therefore not a ton of money, but it's SOMETHING and that's a start. I still want to have time to sleep and eat and breathe and pray, so a few hours was all I really wanted. This library is A LOT different from my last library and a lot smaller, but all the employees are really nice and I'm catching on to their [weird] system pretty quickly. I'll be working about three times a week from now on.

My aunt, sister, and nephew visited last weekend, and it was THE BOMB. I had such a good time with them! We went downtown to this shopping district called the Plaza, and I was in HEAVEN. The Forever 21 had me delirious. My beautiful aunt was kind enough to support my shopping habit and buy me lots and lots of cool clothes. We ate at Panera and then went home for some rest. I also took them to the Awakening so that was cool. I'm glad they got a chance to at least check it out before the meetings went on hiatus. The next day we went to IHOP (pancakes) and had a good meal. Brennan was really cute and I looooooved getting to know him again. He's like the biggest hole in my heart whilst I am in KC, true story.

I am soooo blessed to be learning beneath ah-mazing instructors who leave room for the Holy Spirit and really care about their students. Today I had a class with Shelley Hundley (who, by the way, shares my birthday! I got a chance to tell her and we hugged! It was a special moment. I want to be her when I grow up!!). We were talking about 4 different ways to pray in the Spirit and she told us two AMAZING testimonies of when the Holy Spirit released a language in her life. Once was in Brazil? I think, when she was supposed to preach but there was no translator to translate her Spanish into Portuguese. So she preached anyways, and EVERYONE in the room, both Spanish speaking and Portuguese speaking, understood her COMPLETELY. She told us how the Holy Spirit moved in that place that night. Her other testimony was a long story about how God gave her the gift of Italian, pretty much. She can now read it, speak it, write it, and understand it. Isn't that incredible? She never took any classes or anything. She just needed it to serve someone, she had faith, and went after it! So we had a short ministry time in class where we prayed for an increase in understanding of different languages to serve in other nations. It was incredible! I felt the Lord burning the Spanish language on my heart. I long to become more fluent (or have any degree of fluency, really) in la lengua de mi corazon. My desire is to be able to write songs in Spanish to bring with me to Latin America! Wooowww exciting.

Hmm, what else?
I'm going to MN! Tonight! The weekend's free [for the first time in 3 months], so I thought, "hey, I'm getting the heck outta here" I'm sooo excited!! I have plans with my dearest friends and with my fabulous family! Apple orchard! And I think my mom mentioned cake! Sooooo excited. Bah! I really should finish packing, because I've got PR time in an hour.

Okay, so that was just a little update on my life here in KC. It's going well, I'm happy I'm here, and I love Jesus!

<3

In which I don't really say anything at all.

Current Tunes: Justin Rizzo and his amazing team at the Awakening!
Current Plans: Um, Awakening, photoediting.
Current Excitement: It's the weekend...?

So it's been awhile. Sure. Stuff has happened, I guess.

I'm putting down roots here at IHOP more and more with each passing day. It's hard to blog about what's been happening here, because a) my brain is still processing all the changes and b) there's alot. of it. Basically every aspect of my life and personality is taking a Holy Spirit beating. Which is a good thing, although it sounds kind of not.

I still miss home and my MN people, but it's so clear that God wants me here in this season that the homesickness is manageable. I'm falling in love with IHOPU and its students. Oh jeese, my classmates are incredible. So loving, encouraging, friendly, and convicted for Christ! And the teachers do nothing but provoke me to love Christ deeper and deeper. And the Holy Spirit is all over this place. It's crazy.

Okay. Since I don't really know what to talk about, I'mma just do this up list-style. All numerical and stuff.
1) In early November IHOPU is going to Southern California on an outreach/missions trip. LA, here I come! And the best part? Jesus already provided the funds for the trip! I don't have to pay a dime. Yeah, you could say it's a coincidence... OR you could admit that it's miraculous that I asked Jesus for money and in a matter of days He gave me the money I asked for and then some.
2) Speaking of financial miracles... On Tuesday in class, Wes Hall felt the Holy Spirit wanted to give people financial breakthroughs. So we stopped class and began praying for one another for finances. Wes said that God was going to release muchos finances in the next 24 hours. The next day in class, he asked people with financial testimonies to come up and share. A bunch of people, like 10-15 came up and shared stories of how people had randomly handed them checks, how they found money, etc, etc. Someone totaled up all the money received, and not including money on its way in the mail, there was over $20,000 received. Miraculously, NOT coincidentally. GOD PROVIDES, period.
3) My birthday is soon, just saying.
4) I got a job! At Red Bridge library! Minimum wage and no more than 16 hours a week! It'll be perfect to keep me in food and gas!
5) On Saturday night, I decided that I felt like being in MN. So... at midnight I left and drove home! I got home at 7amish, slept for four hours, ate lunch, went to see MY BABY... went to Bethel, then went downtown and saw Kendra's dorm and had MESA. OMG. Then I slept from 10:30-6:30, and drove back to MO. I miss MN more than I thought I ever would, but I'm thinking that that ache in me is because of the intensity of everything I'm experiencing here and in my spirit.
The end. That is all. There is no more. Except there is. But there isn't. I don't know.

In summation, God is good! He loves us and wants to be our First Love. And that's what I want, too. soreadygoHolySpirit

In which I make lists

Current tunes: Prayer room archives. :D
Current plans: upload/edit photos, rest, call some people, Awakening, dinner?
Current excitement: a few quiet hours, The Call Sacramento, Independence MO

Hey all you friends and people I love and creepers.

So today I went to the Santa Cali-gon festival in Independence, MO. It's to commemorate the California, Santa Fe, and Oregon Trails which all began in Independence! There's loooads of history there- including The Truman Library and Museum, the Truman drugstore where he worked as a young lad, the jailhouse where all sorts of lowlifes were kept, and the original log courthouse from 1827. It's crazy how much old stuff there is there. I've been aching to go since I moved here. Anyways, IHOPU students were invited to volunteer at the fair, which is pret much a downsizing of the MN State Fair complete with a theme park. Why are they called theme parks, anyways? What's the theme?

So there were tons of vendors, booths, foods, people, stuff. IHOP had a couple of booths with facepainting, skits, healing ministry and dream interpretations... I volunteered to photograph. I had such a good time! I met a ton of other IHOPU students [let's hope I can remember all their names!] and took some gorgeous photos of people and historic buildings. So far, I've found that my camera has made more friends than me. :D Jk, but no really, my camera has been the best conversation starter/friend finder that I could think of. So praise the Lord for Maxwell. 306 photos, four hours, paint on my face, and a little touch of sunburn, and it's all good. ;D

There was a little bit of distress in the middle though... wanna hear about it? Okay. So coincidence of ironies, next to the three IHOP booths was a palm reading/psychic booth. And, well, they were NOT please to see us. They continually complained to the powers that be that we were too loud, distracting, and disrupting traffic flow. We were apparently also not allowed to evangelize because it was like we were 'hawking our wares' which is something they discouraged at the festival. So this woman who was in charge of the booths had to come and literally yell at us several times to.. idk, stay in our area? It was kind of scary. I mean, we're from IHOP. We just wanna spread the loooove, not cause a riot. But this woman and the psychics next door were all verrryyyy angry with us. So that was sad. We tried feverishly to comply and satisfy, but some people just refuse to be calmed. Seriously, I think this woman seeks out conflict in her life to give her a sense of purpose or whatever, I don't know. It was uncomfortable. But we all just kept praying so hopefully IHOP hasn't been shut down yet!

Got a package from my mama today! Including some newspaper comics from home and a National Geographic! Suhweet! Love you mama bear. You make everything better!!!!

So. Things I miss about home:
1. Mama and Papa Bears [and the rest of my family!]
1.5. Brennan William
2. Knowing where everything is and how to get there.
3. Having all my friends in one spot.
4. Having my papa kill spiders.
5. Letting my mom do my dishes & laundry
6. Having an income
7. Going out to eat with my amigos
8. My bedroom
9. Never stressing about finding parking
10. Bridgewood!
11. Not having to worry about buying food/eating healthy/being in charge of myself... does that make sense?
12. Using my mama's make-up
13. Having some sense of control over my life :D
14. Bethel
15. That homey feeling.
16. Mama hugs and cuddles. D:
17. Making cookies, eating cookies.
18. Good easy internet.
19. Nicer heating and cooling. [insulation]
20. Having my dad protect and care for my car.

Things I love about IHOP:
1. The community.
2. My fellow first years.
3. Studying under brilliant pr/teachers.
4. The worship.
5. The Awakenings.
6. The worship leaders.
7. The prayer room.
8. Higher Grounds.
9. The friendliness.
10. ALL JESUS, ALL THE TIME.
11. My rooooom.
12. My bed. [even more than my home bed]
13. The Larsons and their funny babies.
14. Accountability.
15. Integrity.
16. Making new friends.
17. Exploring a whole new city, lotsa good eats!
18. Encountering the Living God
19. Getting packages, fb videos, and phone love from my mama.
20. Skyping, all the time.

Stuff happens, things change, people move away and grow up. That's all that this is, and all this is is GOOD. F'reals. I'm glad God's brought me here, I wouldn't change a thing about how it all worked out. His dreams for me are better than my dreams for me ever were or ever could be. This God that I follow is bigger than my weak words and fallen actions. This God? He loves me, end of story. Forever.

[[End of the day edit: Overall, today was probs one of the best I've had here so far. There was the Santa Caligon festival, fulfilling my historic/social/IHOPUlove needs, there was Awakening, there was an awesome dinner/photoshoot with Colin Chesla y su padres, I met some new pallies... God spoke to my soul today. He's showering love over me, I just know it. I keep thinking, THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. It hasn't even really started yet. I'm meant to be here, and there's an endless supply of love and delight in God for me specifically. Can you understand that?!? Praise to the Lord of all creation, who created me and my heart just the way He wanted. Who made me a singer, a photographer, a laugher, a worshipper, an interceder, a friend, a daughter, and a lover. Praise Him for what I am, for without Him, I would be nothing.]]

In which I fascinate you with an account of IHOPU and tattoo ideas

Current Tunes: Ingrid Michaelson
Current Plans: Eat, laze about, buy foodstuffs, edit?, PR tonight
Current Excitement: Living the dream. :D

Hey all.
I've wanted to blog for like a week. But there was internet issues, lethargy issues, and avoidance issues. But here I come!!

So. Two whole weeks of classes down already. Soooo much time with Jesus. Soooo many revelations of who He is and who He wants me to be. Too much for a blog post, so don't expect it. :D

On the practical side, classes are gonna be fine. Requiring a lot of reading/reviewing of notes, but that's easy peasy. Choir's gonna be the bomb, because JAYE THOMAS is my choir director. He's officially my favorite person at IHOP. We're gonna be sining at the Awakening at the end of the semester, so that's really exciting! Ummm...

Still treasuring the fact that I'm in a subculture that values honesty, integrity, honor, generosity, kindness, selflessness, joy, and purity. You don't really get a lot of that in the 'real world.' Everyone I've met so far has just drawn me in with their love of Christ. I want to make friends with everyone on campus right now, haha. Working on that goal. I just like being around people who are wholeheartedly kind and real... It's hard to explain, but it's so so delicious. There's no sniping, gossiping, judging, malicious speak, dirty jokes... It's like rated G but so much fun. It actually makes my heart break for all the people in the world who degrade themselves and their tongues for this kind of fun. Those people who toss their heart ceaselessly around in the hope that someone will hold it even if it's just for a moment. Here, you trust people with your heart. In a sense. It also makes me so sad to think of everyone who has to shoot up their bloodstream with artificial fun in order to feel like they're okay with being alive. Because I've seen the other side of the world- that simply by being genuine and surrounding yourself with people of integrity, you can receive the most pleasure. ENDRANT.

Today was SUPPOSED to be semi-productive, but for the first time I didn't wake up to the babies this morning, so I accidently didn't wake up until 10:30, which meant my day was doomed to be full of lethargy. So. Showered already, so that's a start. Working myself up to eat some lunch, do laundry? Maybe? Target can happen tomorrow or Monday, I'm not in any kind of desperation as far as food. Yeah, haven't done laundry yet and still pretty nervous about it. It just seems like if anyone could screw it up, I could.

OH. Man, this week I've been bitten by tattoo fever. Okay, so my whole life, I never really wanted a tattoo. I always wanted a nose piercing, like since sixth grade, but that's it as far as desired body modifications. But in the past year or so, I've seen so many unspeakably beautiful tattoos that are giving me a new perspective... And then you come to IHOP where like every other person and their mother has a tattoo. And suddenly I'm overwhelmed with the deep desire to have Godwords all over me. Idk.. I'll never be like, covered in tattoos, but suddenly I have a LOT of ideas for locations and words and stuff. I always promised myself that I would never get a tattoo that holds no deep meaning for me, so you won't see me getting frivolous, flowery, 'I got it cuz it was cute' tattoos, I promise.

The one I most want and the one I'll probs be getting first is the one on my collarbone. I'm not sure exactly how it'll look yet, whether it'll be around the collar bone, or in broken paragraphs on each side. The lyrics are "This is my call, I belong to You. This is my call to sing the melodies of You." If it's around the collar bone like a necklace it'll only be the latter half. Idk. I spent all morning looking at tattoo ideas online and I'm suuuper excited! Other places I'm thinking about are my right wrist, behind my ear, my neck, and my foot... which all seem to be the most painful places. But... my dream tattoo that will NEVER happen but would still be awesome would be an awesome tigre on the side of my ribcage. But anyways, other than the collarbone, they'll all be little things like one word, Bible verses, the like. I also would like to get a tattoo outline of MN someday just to remember where I came from and where the people I love are... Assuming I will not be living in MN for the rest of my life.

Wow. Okay that was a long and uncharacteristic rant about tattoos. Idk, I'll keep praying about it, but I've seriously been thinking about it SO MUCH in the last week. Haha. Excited.

Um, so I love living on my own... I love the people/staff here... I love the prayer room, mostly... I found a mall! Civilization! Me and my friend Jeff got Cold Stone there... And they don't have small sizes, so you get so much ice cream that you throw up, basically. Love it. Kind of wish I had a maid. And a job to pay for the maid... my salsa grew mold after one week and I don't know what to do about it now... I'm getting to be so ninja at killing spiders. :D

Today is an Ingrid/Adele/Maria Solheim/Alexi Murdoch/John Thurlow kind of day... Jeese, only 2.5 hours till I have to be in the prayer room again... If I could change one thing about IHOPU it would be that we could have a day, even a weekend off... God forbid we get to go home... D: But I love it still, flaws and incongruencies, and miscommunications and all.

Alright, I'm audi 5000.

<3

In which I describe Orientation

Current Tunes: The Immersed album from IHOP
Current Plans: read the Word, watch some House, Awakening later.
Current Excitement: Starting classes in the new building on Monday!

Well, here I am, all settled in at my new dwelling place.

Move in was swift and virtually painless. I pretty much had everything settled and done by that evening, so that was a blessing! The Larsons left for vacation the night I moved in, so for almost a week now I've been living completely on my own. Normally, that would really super freak me out. A lot. I tend to be able to freak myself out really easily. Living alone in the attic of an unfamiliar house in a new city and state in an area with the reputation of not being the safest is like a perfect recipe for a panic attack. But by God's grace and provision alone, I have felt not one moment of fear in being here alone. Even last night, with a classic thunderstorm, lightening flashing every other second, coming home to a dark, presumably empty house didn't freak me out. If anything I was excited to just sit in my room and stare out my window at God's gloriousness. He's so good!

Although I didn't feel any fear for my physical safety, I must admit the transition to BEING AN ADULT and living on my own and figuring stuff out for myself was a little rocky. Okay, it wasn't so bad. It just felt a little overwhelming. I am blessed with a great, supportive family, and to suddenly be far outside the physical reach of that support system was a little disorienting. It took some getting used to-- realizing that I had to kill my own spiders, buy my own light bulbs, wash my own dishes, do my own laundry, plan out my own days. Granted, some of that I was prepared for, but it was still just... bewildering? To be ALONE. I kept reminding how it's something I've always wanted-- to be live on my own and make my own decisions. And now that I've settled in a bit, I really am enjoying it. It was just a process of transitioning, is all.

So orientation has actually been really fun. If you know me at all, you know I'm not an orientation type of girl. I hate that awkward small talk, awkward introductions, cheesy games and 'get to know ya' crap. But I don't know... Something about IHOPU students is different. I guess because we're all filled with a love of Jesus, we're all like, extra friendly, smilely, and excited. You can just sit randomly next to anyone, and they'll smile, introduce themselves, and comment on how great the Lord is. My thoughts are like, Man, I belong here!. No matter what time of day, or where on IHOP property you are, you can overhear a conversation of students or staff talking about Jesus like He was a part of the group. It's pretty freakin' awesome. People here aren't messing around; they're here to serve the Lord with faith and submission.

I've met a lot of new, beautiful people. I can't wait to form bonds with them during the next few years, or however long the Lord allows. When we're all worshipping communally, you just get this sense that we're a family. That anyone here would do anything for their neighbor, and vice versa. I don't know what that is, other than the bold love imparted by the Holy Spirit. Meow. I love it.

Orientation has consisted mostly of a few games, several instructional-type meetings, and plenty of worship/prophetic soaking/prayer room times. The Holy Spirit has been thick around here, and aggressive on His pursuit of my heart. He's been calling me out as His Beloved. He's also called me His star and His radical princess. I accept these names and long to live my life out beneath them.

Other cool things/observations so far: This house is beeyoootiful. Seeing musicians like Misty Edwards, Cory Asbury, and Laura Hackett worship everyday is something I don't think I'll ever get used to. I feel SO blessed to have this opportunity. I miss my MN peeps and think about them lots. Mostimes I wish they were here with me to drink deep from this Holy Spirit river. I think I'm going to be picking the prayer room track that says I have to be in the prayer room from 6-9:30 AM Mon-Wed, so that's... horrifying. I just think I should do it then so that the rest of my days'll be more relaxed and open. I can always determine a nap schedule. I get to test it out this week, so if it's really awful, I can always do the afternoon schedule. I'm interested in finding a job, so pray that the Lord opens up a good'un for me. If that's His will! It's really stinkin' hot here. Oppressive heat. The kind where breathing makes you sweat. Umm... there was something else... The new campus is a beautiful, awesome, fantastic facility. Complete with a cafeteria, library, coffee shop, lounges, classrooms, and a recording studio! We got to wander around it for a bit yesterday. COOOL.

That's all I can think of right now. So cheerio, mates!

In which I talk about packing and pre-moving out revelations.

Current tunes: Cory Asbury
Current plans: ... Undecided. Maybe a night at home.
Current excitement: Moving out this weekend.

So.
This is real life, man.

Haha... Well, I've spent the day packing my clothings (3 containers, one box, and one laundry basket FULL), jewelry (one spiderman lunchbox), cameras, cds, schoolstuff, and other miscellaneous odds and ends. I also COMPLETELY cleaned out my car. So I'm feeling pretty accomplished, but surprisingly not worn out. But as much as I'd like to go out and SEE people and DO things, I really, really am feeling a quiet night home.

I guess this week kind of surprised me. I didn't get a 'summer' this year, save a few sweet and short weeks. My summer was literally spent work, work, working. And not for a bundle of money, either. My body actually wakes itself up between 8 and 9 now... What the biscuit is that about?? Adulthood, I tell ya. Really all I want is like another week to sleep in past 10AM, be careless and silly, and spend time with my oodles of good friends. But Sunday's D-Day, and I'm out of here.

Mama and Papa are following me down there in the van, and I'll be moving in Monday, so sayeth THE PLAN. Gahhh, I have SO MUCH STUFF. Just stuff. It's verging on hoarder-status. I don't even know what half this STUFF is, or why in the world I'd ever want to save it. I hope Missouri can teach me a thing or two about simplicity.

How am I feeling about moving out, you ask? Well let me tell you: I am AFRAID. Last night was the first night I really let my brain process the fact that I am leaving my parent's home, and I'm not gonna lie, I felt like crying. I still do. But in a good, this is how it's supposed to be, and I can't wait to start the next part of my life sort of way. Plus, it's straight up Biblical, this 'leaving the house of my father to follow the LORD' deal. But I've never faced such a HUGE change before. New school, new home, new room, new state, new friends, new freakin' ZIP CODE (which I still have to memorize... dang.) I guess I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel. I'm excited, yes, totally-- because I know this is where God is leading me. And I promised Him that I would follow where He led me. And He promised me that He would not leave me alone, even for one STEP of that journey. So I trust that He'll be with me... But I also keep thinking of how achingly I'll MISS everyone. From my random friends, to my closest friends, my family, my churchfamily... even my coworkers! I have such a wide support system that I'm a little nervous as to how I'll do down south, without everyone physically with me... But then I remind myself that there are so many methods of communication these days that I won't have any excuse for missing anyone.

I'm also anxious that I'll forget something, or I'll do something really stupid, or that I'll be the least informed person there. So there's that... but like Kendra loves to remind me, GOD DOES NOT GIVE US A SPIRIT OF FEAR. So I'll be remembering that frequently.

Sooooo. I've been to Target like 10 of the last 14 days. Pretty sure. I'm buying up the store, I tell you. And I went to MOA/Ikea twice in three days, so that's kind of amusing. Purchased a table @ Ikea. What seemed impossible and improbable 8 months ago is now all coming together right before my eyes, and the astounding comfort and provision from the LORD are quite apparent. So praise His name, praise His name, praise the God of us.

also. Thinking of getting a tattoo that says "This is my call, to sing the melodies of You." They're lyrics from a Sixpence None the Richer song. But just thinking. I'm a poor college student now, so I may have to pass on the ink.

That's it for now.
<3

In which I describe a storm.

Current Tunes: Misty Edwards
Current Plans: R&R (Including reading Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier)
Current Excitement: Moving in a month!

Wow. SO I know I neglected blogging. Every time I wanted to sit down and blog about something going on in my life, I just got lethargic and opted to do something else instead. That, and I've really had only a couple hours of spare time in the past many moons.

But I felt that today was God's gift to me, and I'd like to share about it with you invisible souls.

I woke up inexplicably REALLY early. And was AWAKE. So then I had a nice shower and reading in bed time. Some friends of mine who I haven't seen in awhile were at church, and afterwards we went to Wendy's, which was fabulous. Then I came home and had like a 45 minute nap, which was perfect, because it left me refreshed rather than groggy. I woke up to the sound of booming, house-shaking thunder. And I felt GOOD. Just a nice, happy feeling.

So then I went to my friend's grad party. And she lives in Woodbury. This would be awesome, except that it was POURING. And there was road construction/detours. And I couldn't see the road or the other cars. I was freaking out. It took me 40 minutes to get there, and traffic was busy and barely moving. And I had no idea where I was going, but by the grace of God I arrived safe and sound to spend an hour or so with my dear friend at her party, eating carrots. Yummy. I was still in a good mood, but I was kind of dreading the drive home due to scary weather.

However, as I was leaving the party, I saw this gorgeous, thick rainbow low in the sky. I about peed my pants. Because I love rainbows. And that just got me thinking about how beautiful God's creation is, and how great of an artist our Creator is. So I keep driving, west on 94. And the sky is just unspeakably fantastic. Northish, over St. Paul, there is this WALL of grey clouds. You can tell it's raining hard over there. But around the grey clouds, there's spots of fluffy white and pale blue. It's like God took His thumb and smudged a splotch of grey, smearing it down to the landscape. I was breathless just viewing it. The grey clouds were so ... dark, and rolly, and powerful looking. And in my head I was like, this calls for Misty Edwards. So I pop in the cd as I'm merging on to 35E. And if you haven't heard the song before, the lyrics are pretty simple:
My soul longs for You (2X)
Nothing else will do (2X) (repeat several times)
I believe you will come like the rain. (repeat a lot)
So, come like the rain. (also repeat a lot)

And so there I am, driving through the rain and the storm clouds, and I'm just praising God through the storm, literally. I can't explain it. The vast power of the sky just flattened me in its beauty and glory. I also felt some kind of personal connection to the sky, like God was painting it all just for me. It felt intimate, the sky.

So, then, the song gets to a point where Misty sings, "Hallelujah, hallelujah, You make all things new, all things new" over and over again. And just as the song reaches that point, the freeway bursts out of cloud cover into this GLORIOUS daylight! Pale blue skies with fluffy, rolling white clouds. And this liquid gold sunlight is just washing over me. I started tearing up, honestly, it was so perfect. After driving through such wicked weather all afternoon, seeing this perfect, still weather was a blessing. I could still see the black and grey clouds in my mirrors, thundering and swirling. But all that was ahead was this brilliant day. God filled me with this love so big I almost couldn't stand it.

GOD MAKES ALL THINGS NEW.

After a wretched storm, although beautiful in its merciless power, God made the day new. He renewed the sunlight's strength, gave him back his dominance in the sky. The sun won the day.

God does that in our lives, my loves. He brings us through this awful times of anguish and calamity. He not only brings us to them, He brings us THROUGH these times. Through- that means we make it to the other side. Always. Earlier today, driving to the party in the heavy rain, I was so terrified. I thought I would lose control or hit a car I couldn't see through my windshield. But God brought me safely to the party, and He rewarded me with a glorious vista on the way home. God is good, He is so, so good Beloved.

I'm gonna be honest here- My flame's been flickering. I've been working a lot, and I've been feeling discouraged about how little time I'll have with friends and family before I leave (the date's August 8th, mark your calendars!). I've been worrying about buying stuff for my new dwelling place, worrying about not having enough time, worrying about missing people, worrying about money, worrying about moving out and living without my mom to answer all of my stupid questions. Worrying. Faltering, fretting, stressing, and retreating.

But God makes all things new. Miraculously, He's given me this whole evening to do with as I please. He's renewing my strength on this Sabbath to get through the coming week of work, work, and more work. I need His renewal every morning, but loves, He'll do it. He delights to be our strength.

Psalm 27, v 13-14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

Cheerio, mates. See you around!