In which I offer comfort

Current Tunes: Tegan & Sara (Sainthood)
Current Plans: Finish Kendra's senior photos, study for World Lit final, watch Pretender
Current Excitement: This weekend/graduation

To sum up my life in one word: Stressssss! My mind never shuts up! To-do lists, calendars, meetings, projects, papers, exams, work, scheduling, editing, finishing, finalizing, printing, due dates, requirements, evaluations... My mind is spinning out of control. I just want to be DONE with finals and college and school and everything. Can I? Please?

Bah. I'm trying to manage everything and make sure I have time to unwind. But it's hard. What I REALLY need is some Jesus time. Every day I get more and more excited about going to IHOP, because there my days will be structured around HIM.

You know what's a bummer, literally? Discontent. I'm encountering a lot of people lately in this season of stress and change who just cannot see the bright side of things. It's a constant urge to grow up, get out, forget, and hate what's here. But HERE is good! I'm not speaking physically, because I'll be the first to say that MN is lame. I mean this MOMENT is good! These people you're currently with are good. They need you, what you have to offer.. I'm trying to remind myself of this as well. I'm ready to GO GO GO. But in a few months, most of us won't be here anymore. We're all going off to start our lives. And how are you going to feel when nothing's the same anymore? When everything you were used to is suddenly foreign ground?

Listen, you're here, in this moment, for a reason. You are in THIS place with THESE people at THIS time for a purpose. Rest in it, soak it up, and stop complaining! Let your heart find comfort in the God of all comfort, who knows your life's story because HE wrote it!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort" (2 Corinthians 1:3)

2 Corinthians is a brilliant book full of goodness. Read it.

Also, check out the band Castledoor. I think they are THE BEST.

And try to be contented.

In which I follow

Current Tunes: The Blow
Current Plans: Shutting out the world, editing, and have a snuggle with Jesus.
Current Excitement: The next four days! They're going to rock.

Hello imaginary friends.

I've been having a pretty rough few weeks here. I have this awful cough that keeps me up at night, so sleeping has been a struggle. I miss it soooo much! And on top of that, I'm stressed to the breaking point with school, momstuff, and all those to-do lists playing in loops in my head. Meow. But this weekend will bring me some peace... I hope. Or I might just be so busy that I forget about it all.

Tomorrow after classes I'm hopefully hanging out with my love Susie and seeing the play at the high school. Friday is Stillwater with friend Marissa! Saturday is Duluth with the Quadsquad. Imma show 'em the town. And Sunday, Mother's Day, will be a picnic with family and an evening with the birthday girl and my other bfffffffff, Sarah. Can't waaaait!

Then it's back to real life. One more week of classes, which includes two exams and a group project, then the week after that is FINALS, with three written finals and one group project, condensed into three days.
THEN I AM DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL!
Soooo excited.

Also I'm hoping to mail in my IHOP application next week. Ugh. I wish I could just go. I'm ready for my next life. Plus I need to really soak in some Jesus. My life has been TOO busy lately to absorb His glory fully, which causes me to be less stable. He stabilizes me!

Here's a verse that was shared in chapel today. It's at the beginning of Acts when Jesus is telling His disciples to go out and spread the Word. They ask Him what his plans are and if the Father will restore Israel. Jesus replied, "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority" (Acts 1:7). I like this verse because it's a sharp reminder that it's not our place to know and understand God's plans for our lives! HE has all authority. He's already written everything down in His calendar. So we don't need to worry about it. God will not leave us hanging. He'll show up if we ask Him to.

Also, here's the chorus of one of the songs we sang. We got to sing it in spanish, which was SO COOL. I recognized it as 'my language.' But here it is in english-
"If you lead me, Lord, I will follow. Where you lead me I will go. If you heal me, Lord, I will follow. Where you lead me, I will go. Yo ire."

That's what the cry of my heart is now. I don't know what the future holds, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing or living or loving or learning. But my God does, and my God is enough! So if He leads, will be right behind Him. And that is comfort.

<3

In which I describe "The Prom"

Current Tunes: Regina Spektor
Current Plans: Whatever I feel like.
Current Excitement: ...

Meowww. I'm currently on a photo editing binge. I let myself get backed up. So. Mas.
Um. So prom was yesterday! Whew. There was a lot of build-up to that.
I had a really swell time getting ready with Sarah and Kendra. We had mac and cheese and watched Juno like we were sixteen again. It was enchanting. They looked SO gorgeous. Then there was a series of awkward moments. And dinner, which was nice but expensive. Then some deliberation, and off to THE PROM. It was nicely decorated. And I was really, really thrilled to see so many beautiful faces that I've been missing. Everyone looked really good! And I got some good dancing in. Exercise much? Bahah. I had a blast dancing with my amigos. It was a memorable evening.

I'm kind of frustrated today, because I've got to go over my Econ test and do some Econ homework. And I'm just fed up with that class. There's no way I can win. I hate feeling stupid. And this class makes me feel like an invertebrate. ugghhhh. I just want to cry a lot.

I thought I'd sleep well after last night. But my stupid brain wouldn't shut up, and I ended up waking up every few hours. And then I woke up slightly after nine and couldn't get back to sleep. So I'm still awake, but still bone tired. Today will consist of photoediting/uploading/organizing.. watching movies, reading, studying, homework, showering, napping?, and possibly some baking.

Also, I ate a new kind of apple today! A gala, I think it was. Def. not as good as Red Delicious. It was too... sandpapery and crumbly. But still pretty good. I'd gone a week or more without an apple, so at any rate I was thrilled to eat it! I also had some carrots. Trying to get my poor soul to wake up! I don't want today to be a total waste.

Hokay, that's it for now. Later folks.
<3

In which I return!

Current tunes: Superchick!
Current plans: laze about, get my hurr did, go to bank, evening with Kendra
Current excitement: The fact that the day is ALL MINE.

Heyyyyyy guysss.. Hopefully one or two of you still check this occasionally. Hahaha. There's been some stuff moving and going on in my life. Disappointments and frustrations along with joys and excitements. And a giant side of stress.

I got over the hurdle of my second Economics exam yesterday afternoon, which was a HUGE load off. That exam was overing over me like the angel of death. Bah. It was pretty killer, so we'll see how I do. I did well on my World Lit midterm though, which was an essay and an in-class exam. Got A's on both! That was nice.

Brennan was over yesterday. He's a bit ill, so he was kind of crabby, but extra snuggly! There was a while when he was tired where I just held him and he would just stare at everything around him, and then he'd just nuzzle his chubby little face into my chest. He's getting so big! And his smiles still brighten my life. I loooooooove him. He makes me babycrazy, though, which is probs a bit dangerous at this early stage of my life, lol.

We have had a bit of bad news here at home. We found out this week that my mom has breast cancer. This is an especially low blow considering she only just finished chemotherapy for her colon cancer two months ago. The doctors think that they have caught the cancer early enough, and her prognosis is very good. She will be having a surgery on the 26th to remove the lumps, and then she will have to have some radiation. But if they find out that she has the breast cancer gene (which would mean the cancer would just come back again), she might get a double mastectomy. It's ... I don't know... It's just a real bummer. I wish I could do it all for her, because she's been a real hero this last year already. But her unwavering faith in God is really an inspiration for me!

On a lighter note, prom is just over a week away! We got my date's tux last night.. He'll look... interesting. :D I'm suuuuper excited! There's still a few things I need to have wrapped up, though...

So this song by Superchick, "Alright" describes my feelings exactly a lot of the time. It's a good song to remind yourself that rough times don't last. Hopefully the lyrics will help you feel a little better!

"There's so much on my mind lately I can't make out my own thoughts anymore. I don't know where one begins and the other one ends. I wish that I could push a button and turn it off just for a little while. Long enough to take a breath, and then I know:

It'll be okay. It'll be alright. It'll be okay, hey yeah, it'll be alright. It'll be okay.

There's so much that needs done lately I can't make out what's important anymore. I don't know where my needs begin and someone else's ends. I don't wanna let anybody down cuz I feel like I'm falling down when I do. But for now would someone else please volunteer to say:

It'll be okay. It'll be alright. It'll be okay, hey yeah, it'll be alright. It'll be okay. It'll be okay. It'll be alright. It'll be okay, hey yeah, it'll be alright. It'll be okay.

Life is hard for everyone so let's blow it all off just for a little while. Let's take a break, it'll still be there when we get back. I always try to solve all my problems by working real hard, going just another mile. But every now and then I think we should let it all go and say:

It'll be okay. It'll be alright. It'll be okay, hey yeah, it'll be alright. It'll be okay. It'll be okay. It'll be alright. It'll be okay, hey yeah, it'll be alright. It'll be okay.

This is my last verse, and it's for everyone feeling not so great today. We don't know what's coming just around the bend. It's always hard to believe in your own life, easier to find belief for a friend. So you hope for me, me for you, and together we will say:

It'll be okay. It'll be alright. It'll be okay, hey yeah, it'll be alright. It'll be okay. It'll be okay. It'll be alright. It'll be okay, hey yeah, it'll be alright. It'll be okay."

<3

In which I am excited about His love

Current Tunes: Snow Patrol
Current Plans: Do some reading for Soc, watch the Office, shower, sleep.
Current excitement: Senior photoshoot tomorrow! My first in awhile. ;)

Hola mis compadres. I've been busy, to say the least. I had a nice weekend- went to MOA wiff ma gurls, and my sister's bridal shower was on Sunday. Sarah, Koby, and I went to EpicLife Church before Bridgewood Sunday morning and it was cool to see everyone who used to go to Bridgewood. I rather miss all of their sweet faces. EpicLife seems like a neat place and I'd like to go back!

Yesterday (Monday) was super busy... class, photoshoot forkicks with Shelby, work, then worship practice till 9:45. I was only home during the day long enough to take a quick shower. But the photoshoot was suuuuper fun! I'm also super joyful that Spring is arrived. I HAVEN'T WORN SOCKS FOR SEVERAL DAYS!! That is a HUUUUUGE deal to me. Also, the swamp in my backyard is alive with billions of chatty frogs and toads. They never stop making noise. It's incredible how much they have to say.

Anyways, so the Holy Spirit's been talking to me recently about His love and mercy. And how tremendous they are. I'm only beginning to comprehend. A song that gets me every. single. time. is the song "How He Loves." The David Crowder Band sings it, and we sing it in church/chapel alla time. Listen toooo ittt... I'm srs. It helps to put His love in perspective... "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us, oh, how He loves us..."

Some verses that I've been really focusing on lately are Romans 5:8 ("But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."), Psalm 65:3 ("when we were overwhelmed by sings, you forgave our transgressions."), and Romans 6:14 ("For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."), as well as my favorite, Hosea 2. All of these verses center on how God loves us DESPITE, IN SPITE OF, IN THE FACE OF our sins. Our dirty secrets, our hidden shames, our painful memories and swallowing guilt. He still loves us. It's one of those things my head knows, but my heart is still trying to figure out. This concept is something that I'm really trying to grasp right now, because I'm commonly deceived by the Deceiver into thinking that my past mistakes make me unloveable by the Uncreated Creator. Although these verses say that God loves us even when we sin, I think He's leading me in the direction that while yes, He loves us even though we're sinners, He loves us too much to let us continue to sin. Because sin separates us from Him! It's a process, it's a developing relationship. I will be the first to admit that I have a heck of a lot to learn. But thankfully, my Teacher is patient, wise, and merciful. And awesome!

Just wanted to share with you where I am right now with God. It's an every day effort, amigos. It's not easy; it's called the Narrow Way for a reason. But He is GOOD. And He's in control, thankfully. Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully.

Also, if any of you are like me and are wondering about God's plan & direction for your life, here's an encouraging verse:
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it' " (Isaiah 30:21).

Peace.
<3
:D

In which I am frustrated

Current Tunes: Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
Current Excitement: Thrifting on Tues with some fantastic girls.
Current Plans: Movie, reading (Great Expectations by the one and only Charles Dickens... we'll see how that goes...), get ready for school in the morning, sleeeeeep... hopefully.

Baahhhh. Spring break is over!! I hardly did a thing. I swear. Oh well. Just... like two more months of classes then I GRADUATE. Which means summer, which means so much reading, sleeping, playing, hugging, singing, and laughing. And photographing. Bah. So today was a BIT productive... I worked on my FMA application, read the novel for my JapLit class (Silence by Shusaku Endo), tried a new cookie recipe that my dad loved, finished a book that I love (Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks), and practiced guitar. I stayed home from church and felt bad about it, but I really needed that extra hour of silence to help fuel me for the day ahead. I'm in a phase right now where I can't function unless I've had some solid Shonna time. I hope it blows over soon, because when in this phase I tend to be extra irritable and self-critical. And a bit lazy, to be truthful.

I am a little frustrated currently. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm hungry and my room is a mess. And there are a few people that I dearly long to have a conversation with, but there are limitations on many of my relationships. Therefore I keep quiet. I apologize for being vague, my head is a mess ahora. I just didn't have a good night last night. One of my worst lately, in fact. If any of you reading this enjoy being prayer warriors, just pray for me, please. I just need a little faith. I really, really need to clean my room. Maybe tomorrow. I'm a bit upset that I didn't get to start painting my new room over break (my dad neglected his fatherly duties, but he had a stressful week)... but that's fine. I love my current room anyways, so the wait won't be agonizing.

I've overbooked myself this week, I think. I hate that, when I fill every free space with people, promises, and responsibilities. But then again, I've been alone too much lately, and could use a bit of busy productivity and socializing.

Well, just one more week of my FB fast! I'm quite excited to be reconnected. I feel like I have NO idea what's happening in anyone's lives. No one calls or emails anymore. Texting is insufficient. I am out of the loop... which is not fun for a gal like me who loves her friends genuinely.

Okay, imma go gorge myself on fresh baked cookies, lose myself in a film, and gear up for a freaking busy week. I pray God gives me the grace to get through it!


This is what I looked like all day. I'm sitting in my new room, because I like the emptiness. It's where I keep my guitar now.

Read Psalm 139.

In which I love Brennan and Bethany

Current Tunes: Handel's Messiah
Current Plans: Talk to Brennan, run some errands, then choir concert!
Current Excitement: I ordered my prom dress yesterday!

Bahhh. So mum's over yonder talking to Brennan. He is over today, and he's a grump! Fussy baby. He screamed at me for nearly half an hour instead of going to sleep. I was grateful for mum to come home and take over his care. So now he's crying to her. Hahaha. But I love him still. Before he became a menace he was quite animated and telling me all about his day. He's such a funny baby. We are listening to Handel's Messiah because it's one of the few things that he'll quiet down enough to listen to. He looooooves music. Also we were watching Hidalgo together for a bit and he enjoyed that. Gotta love Viggo Mortenson.

So I'm on spring break, but it's not very break-y. So far I've worked, went prom dress shopping, babysat, and worked. I have had some spare moments for reading. But not enough time to get errythang done! Some goals I have/had for spring break include(d): painting my new room, cleaning my room, beginning the process of moving some stuff downstairs, practicing guitar, filling out my IHOP application, working on my IHOP audition, finishing all the books/movies currently on loan to me from the library, watch Horatio Hornblower, catching up with/finishing homework, and... I need to buy shampoo. Today. So... Currently I have no plans for tomorrow, so maybe I can make it a somewhat hermit day and get a bunch of stuff done. I work again saturday, and sunday will be church/homework...

I honestly don't feel like I'm on any sort of break. My classes usually just fill in the gaps between my already busy schedule. I guess the biggest bonus is getting to sleep in the past two mornings.

Alrighty. So lately I've been on a serious Bethany Dillon kick. Every song of hers that I listen to just knocks me off of my feet lyrically, musically, vocally, and spiritually. I love the way she talks about God, and to God. Here's a verse from a song I'm digging called "Let Your Light Shine." I think it's off her most recent album, but I'm not sure...
'The Calmer of the Sea here in this room with me
So gently welcoming the weakest things in me.
You are the blood over the door of my heart.
What pain you spared me from, how could I know it all?'

The line about the blood over the door of her heart is a Biblical reference to the feast of the passover. When Moses was trying to convince Pharoh to let the Israelites go, Pharoh's heart was hardened and as a result God sent several plagues over Egypt. One one particular night, God told Moses to have all of his followers paint their doorframes with lamb's blood: a sacrifice. That night, God passed through Egypt and killed the firstborn of every household. If a home had lamb's blood on the door, then he would pass by them and leave them alone. Hence, the Passover. (Exodus 12:1-13).

In the song, Bethany writes that Jesus is the blood over the door of her heart. She's saying that Jesus is the sacrifice, and His blood saves her from death and Hell. So, thanks Jesus, for saving us. I also love this verse for the imagery of God being in the same room with us. The creator of the WORLD, of the UNIVERSE, loves to hang out with US. One on one. AND He loves the weakest things in us.

Well, the whole song is great, just like all her other songs. Soooooo check her out, pals!

Mum's trying to force Brennan to watch 'her soaps' with her. Poor baby. I better go rescue him.

<3